I love when Honeycrisp apples are in season! *

*alternate entry title: I got soy milk at the grocery store b/c I KNEW that none of the men I live with will drink THAT!

So here we are at the end of day three of the october 21st project and I am happy to report I'm totally on track w/ food and exercise. In fact let me get that out of the way...

Tuesday Sept. 22

breakfast: cereal and milk 320 calories

lunch: rice w/ peanut butter 500 calories

snack: ensure shake 350 cal

dinner: unclear as I ate out but I just had a small salad and a hummus appetizer and herbal tea.

total: 1170 + dinner

also ran 30 minutes, did 4 strength training exercises and the full yoga stretch (minus floor ballet legs which I forgot)

Wednesday September 23

breakfast: apple 100 calories, cereal w/ soy milk 290 calories

lunch: ensure shake 350 cal

snack: 10 nuts (unclear calorie intake, let's call it 100 calories) then an atkins bar (surprisingly tasty) 220 calories, then later another apple 100 calories.

dinner: again, unclear as I ate out but I got a chicken salad sandwich (w/ bacon) and substituted salad for chips.

total: 1160 + sandwich

I did not work out this morning because I woke up very sore (I woke up sore yesterday and ignored it so when I woke up even MORE sore I thought I should pay attention today) but then I wound up walking over 3 miles all around town so that's something.

As for the rest of my life...

Still looking for a job. I went to Adour at the St. Regis for an interview today

http://www.adour-washingtondc.com/index.htm

I really liked the place (hard not to like a restaurant that's got a $7,000 bottle of wine on their menu and pays $9 an hour plus tips) and the manager. He seemed to be very interested in hiring me as well. The only catch is that the position is for a back waiter.

I would really really prefer to be a front waiter but... I don't know. We'll see what happens when the general manager brings me in.

Part of me would really like to work some place where serious money is spent (and the management staff is so nice) and part of me just wants to work some place trendy and fun and BUSY.

of course, ALL of me would much rather have a job in my field, but I'll work on that after I get something to pay the rent (October 1st approaches).

Last night I went to see

(preview: http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi3338469913/ ).

It was FABULOUS!!! scared the crap out of me, like most zombie movies do, but it was also reallllllly funny.

I was invited by Van to go see it and afterwards he took me out to dinner. Lisa and Jen emphatically agree that because we ate at Mei n Yu it was a date. I say that because I was clear it was not a date it was not a date.

Let me be clear: I am not interested in this guy. This is someone I dated a million years ago that still appears to be very interested in me. He is nice enough to keep some distance as he knows I just got out of a relationship and I'm kind of freaking BROKEN, but I can still feel his attraction radiating. So after awhile it started to feel nice to be desired so palpably. That was when I got really uncomfortable and said I thought we should be heading out.

Still, after a summer where the ONLY date I went on with my boyfriend was when we went to see UP (and he bought me some vitamin water or something) it was nice to see a guy drop $140 on a meal.

I'm just saying.

Speaking of the ex... He was fired yesterday. I sent him a text expressing my concern/sympathy and letting him know that I was there for him if he needed me to be. He thanked me, offered some details, and asked to call me later. I (hesitantly)(not that he would know as it was a freaking text) said ok. However, when he called I was at the movies and then dinner. I texted him saying I wasn't available but that I'd listen to his message and call him later. Which I did. Part of me melting when I heard his voice and part of me wanting to scream at the top of my lungs when his message ended "I really do hope you're doing well."

THE ONLY FUCKING THING WRONG WITH MY LIFE IS ENTIRELY YOUR FUCKING DOING!!!

I called him back but he was asleep. He sent me a bunch of texts today. I did not respond (well, except to one, when he said his boss seems to have changed his mind now that he's met the replacement captain and asked rob to stay, rob said no).

And Jen yelled at me tonight that I should not give him any sympathy or any room at all to continue smashing my life to pieces. I continue to wait for my heart to acknowledge the fact that it doesn't matter if I love him when being involved with him is horrible.

I'm going to go to bed. I'm so tired all I can think about is how much I miss him.

(though I suppose that's better than thinking of zombies).

Oh yeah! So I wrote Jaime a happy birthday note as I was NOT falling asleep last night while I thought of zombies, and he wrote me back saying thank you and mentioned that he's never understood why I go to see these movies when they freak me out so much (we saw the sequel to Danny Boyle's fantastic 28DAYS LATER and it was so awful awful AND gross and scary that I couldn't close my eyes that night. He started to kiss me and all I saw was zombies. So we turned on WILL AND GRACE for a few hours and slept with the lights on)(he really was just so wonderful in many ways). Anyway, I will share with y'all my response as a way to explain my "thing" about zombies:

here's the thing about zombie movies... nothing else makes me react that way so I'm sort of fascinated by something with that ability to scare me. Also, I've always loved stories about the end of civilization and how the survivors cope, regroup, thrive, etc. Plus, this movie is hilarious!

I do spend some time as I sit in the dark theater wondering why I decided this was a good idea. But I am also mystified that something can make my heart accelerate while I am sitting still.

28WEEKS LATER was different, that movie started off scary (riding the wave of the original film) but then just got gross and boring. It was what I think of most horror movies being: upsetting, gross, mindless and dull.

I was also talking to my mom not long ago and I mentioned that I think one of the reasons zombies interest me is how they are uncomplicated enimies. I don't believe in evil. I just don't. I think that everything that people do that is terrible and destructive is either the result of something terrible and destructive having been done to them or a chemical imbalance in their genetic makeup (or, most likely, a combination thereof). I see no examples of deliberate malice in nature (hurricanes, lions, cobras, fire... they're all just doing their job, it's not personal) so why would it exist in humans. I am absolutely certain that I could kill someone if I had to -- to protect myself or a loved one -- but I would always feel some guilt (you remember how I cried when I found out they'd hung Saddam Hussein?). With zombies, it's just an opponent to be destroyed not someone with a mate and children to take care of.just a thought.or two.