choir choir choir choir!!

So among the many and varied things I did today (like work out, look for a job, walk all over the city looking for a job, talk to friends) my favorite was going back for my first choir night at All Souls. I was there early (super early, actually, but I spent about 45 minutes on the phone w/ Alice, so I was only in the rehearsal room about a half hour early). I had told Angela I was coming back but she never mentioned it to John, the choir director, so he was surprised and excited and just kept saying over and over "I'm speechless! My jaw is on the floor!" Then he gave me a hug, as did the soloist who was with him (a beautiful young woman named Alicia who I remember from before). Then he took a few breaths and said "actually, can I put you on the spot? Would you be willing to sing a solo this weekend?"
but of course!

So I'm singing the Idina Menzel part in a choral arrangement of FOR GOOD from WICKED. Then old friends started trickling in (I thought I would cry when I saw Angela!!) and there were a lot of hugs and then we started singing. It was wonderful. This choir moves fast, John is loving and incredibly specific and a little harsh about what he wants. It's challenging and beautiful and everyone is so happy to be there. Angel and I were immediately back to our old ways where we would make each other crack up and lose our place. So happy.
Of course, that's when I noticed I had a text from Rob. I will just repeat it in it's entirety for no particular reason:
"My cabin is now very echo-y. But suppose not actually MY cabin anymore. This may sound like small talk but I do want to know, how are you?"
I started to write about being in choir practise, but then I didn't want him to know about my life so I wrote instead "I go back and forth. Enjoying life then deeply sad." If I'd thought about it for a minute I would have written "recovering" but I sent it too fast. Then I felt sad, like I'd just fallen off the Rob cliff. And I know everyone will have something to say about keeping him away. I don't have any answers. I don't know what to do or what I feel. I just don't know. I'm sorry I don't know how to be healthy about this yet.

I did run for 30 minutes today and then did the full stretch and 4 strength training exercises (2 arms 2 abs). I went to many restaurants in the Gallery Place section of town. RASIKA was snotty; asked me what shifts I wanted then when I said I would prefer nights said "oh we want people who will work both days and nights" so i said "oh, I'm free to do both" they were like "no, thanks. you should apply at our cleveland park restaurant they're only open at night" and I said "but I'm free to do days" and they said "yes, but you were honest with us so go there instead."
fiii-iine, bitches.
Then I went to POSTE who sort of, also, snottily said I could come back next week, that managers didn't have time on a thursday to think about these things (in their empty restaurant). ZAYTINYA was much more welcoming. I filled out an application and answered another one of those sort of fun restaurant tests (name 3 single malt scotches aside from the "glen"s). Then went to PS7 and dropped off the resume and spoke to one of the managers who was very interested in me. Then I went to see my friend Chip, who manages LUCKY STRIKE. He's offered me a job as well, but it seems like HOOTERS w/ bowling and he understands it's not exactly what I am hoping to do (really just don't need to work till 3am at this stage in my life).
When I was going to All Souls Ibumped into the manager from ADOUR (who interviewed me yesterday)(the one who looks like a young, hip Obama). We smiled and shook hands and talked for a bit. He said the general manager should be calling me soon.
how soon?????? says the person w/ rent looming.

in terms of food:
breakfast: apple, cereal w/ soy milk 390
lunch: amy's mexican organic casserole (w/ some additions) 630
snack: luna bar 180
dinner: ensure shake 350
snack: apple 100
that would've left me at 1750 but my stomach was growling when I got home so I had 2 tablespoons of peanut butter 190
so I'm at 1940 for the day. More than I'd like, but I was worried about the growling stomach at bedtime (I found this summer that going to bed hungry made getting up and running near impossible).

so, still looking for work.
still surrounded by a beautiful community and friends
still plagued by the ex (and unclear and full of longing)
still trying to lose weight and be healthy

but tonight on top of the trying to find work, trying to find sanity, laughing with friends, avoiding men who ask me out (may have a "date" monday even though I tried really hard to get it to be something else)
on top of all that
tonight
I
SANG!!!!!
xoxo
love
peace